Phew! I am so spent right now just trying to clear the cobwebs off my blog! To say it’s been a while since I dropped a post here would be a gross understatement! But I’m here now with a not so serious post on the somewhat ubiquitous question/riddle; “Why did the chicken cross the road?”
I’m afraid though, I had my Nigerian readership more in mind when I put it together. I hope other nationals can distill a thing or two off it and share in the fun as well. Do read on.
SIMPLE QUESTION: “Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?”
I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road. But we must ensure that chickens from sh*thole countries are stopped from entering America. In fact we will review our policy on immigrant chickens especially as we seek to secure America against terrorists.
According to our sources, the chicken is a close associate of President Trump and it is believed to have played a major role in leaking state intelligence to Russia before the last US Presidential elections.
The white man came up with such a thing as Zebra Crossing on our roads because the Zebra is predominantly an African animal species. Now this chicken which is a favourite on their menu, crossing the road, is actually their way of expressing white supremacy! Yes! A chicken crossing the road, trampling on as it were, the zebra, the way Europe and America has trampled on us for so long. But it is alright. That is why I eat chicken every day. If it likes let it cross the seven great rivers of Africa, I will consume it, flesh, bones and all! Africa is for Africans!
Well, I am quite clueless as to why the chicken crossed the road. However this chicken reminds me of myself because people think I chickened out in the 2015 presidential elections by not using my incumbent powers to ensure I won the election. But you see, the fact is my political ambition is not worth the blood of one Nigerian chicken. So if my second term ambition would have led to bloodshed among Nigerian chickens, my apparent chickening out prevented that. Now I will be remembered as the president who ensured Nigerian chickens can cross roads without fear for their lives. Also, this chicken like me, had no shoes as it crossed the road. Who knows what the chicken will be in the future?
The chicken we saw crossing the road is a pure manifestation of the failure of the past PDP led administration. Just like they failed to construct the second Niger bridge, they also failed to construct chicken ways so now the chicken has no other option but to cross the road. However in line with the campaign promises of President Buhari, all chickens will soon have their own roads where they will be free to cross as they like.
The chicken crossed the road bekwas of this gwament’s commitment to securing the lipes and froferty of all Nigerians because I am por ebrybody and por nobody. But the chicken has no place in politics because its place is in the cooking fot of the woman in the other room.
Why won’t the chicken cross the road now that the Lion King is back? It must flee for its life, along with the jackals who wanted the throne for themselves when the Lion king was away from his kingdom.
I knows why the chicken is cross the road. Him is one of those person that will rather kill themself instead of commit suicide. So e want to kill himself by letting a motor car jam it as it crossing the road. But it is a good thing because only him himself will die, not like those suicide bombers that commit suicide and kill everyone with bomb.
This is the very reason I established the Ministry of Happiness and purpose fulfillment! When we eat chicken , we are happy and the chicken itself fulfills its purpose by providing nourishment for us. So the chicken crossed the road to bring happiness. In fact, a giant statue of the chicken will be erected in Owerri the state capital.
The chicken crossed the road to join forces with the 3rd force. All well meaning Nigerians like this chicken must come together to ensure our nascent democracy is consolidated by the development of Nigeria as a nation. The Buhari government has failed Nigerians and so he should forget about a second term. If this chicken is an APC member, I encourage it to tear its party card as a proof of its absolute commitment to this 3rd force.
GOVERNOR ORTOM OF BENUE STATE
Just like I wrote a letter to the president informing him of an imminent attack on our state by Fulani Herdsmen, I also wrote to him that there will be massive chicken crossing on Benue highways but my letter was ignored. Now this is the consequence! I hereby call on the people of Benue to be ready to defend themselves against not just Fulani herdsmen but against chickens that may want to shed blood on Benue soil. The Federal government has failed us and so we should expect no help from there.
In civilized societies, chickens don’t roam about in the open. They are kept in well managed poultries and when they have to be consumed as food, they are killed in the most humane of ways. But not so in our dear country Nigeria. Chickens should be in poultries, its common sense! I am Ben Murray-Bruce and I just want to make common sense.
SENATE PRESIDENT BUKOLA SARAKI
The Senate committee on chicken matters have been meeting and very soon, they will submit their findings to this honourable house.
SENATOR SHEHU SANI
I really am afraid about this chicken crossing the road. Remember monkeys allegedly swallowed about 70 million naira from Senator Adamu’s farm, and before that, a snake had swallowed 36 million naira from JAMB office. This chicken may well be on its way to swallow some millions from God knows where!
I have said it times without number that the entity called Nigeria is nothing but a zoo! The chicken is just being at home in its zoological habitat. By the grace of God when the Biafran dream is actualized, nothing of this sort will be seen in Biafra. People, and not chickens will be the ones crossing roads and the Nigerian government can do absolutely nothing to stop Biafra from happening.
The chicken crossed the road because just like Fulani herdsmen, we have not done enough by way of incentives for chicken rearers like we have done for rice farmers and cassava farmers. So this government is going to set up federal chicken colonies across the 36 states of the federation and the FCT. This will go a long way in stemming incidences of chickens crossing roads.
No chicken will be allowed to cross any road in Ekiti state. The anti-crossing bill has just been signed into law in Ekiti. So any chicken seen crossing the road will be dealt with decisively.
IBRAHIM MAGU – EFCC
The chicken is currently being investigated for corrupt practices so it comes as no surprise that it crossed the road as it is running away to avoid prosecution. But as long as I am in office, any chicken whose hands are stained with corruption will be apprehended by this anti graft body. There are no sacred chickens!
ONE EDO BOY
Me I nor jus get anytin to talk put for the matter because who e epp? Abi the road wey e cross, I fit use am cross enter Italy?
So, what are your own thoughts? Why did the chicken cross the road?